Black Friday

Attack of the Lazy

~ Carie ~ Leave a comment

I won’t deny it. I have been lazy. Well, as lazy as I am capable of being. I understand this confession may not convince you. I didn’t sleep past 8:30 am or spend an entire day in my pajamas. I didn’t skip a day at the office—even though several days were Ferris Bueller-like temptations. It’s more that I have not been working on what I should. I slid into a pattern of avoiding of my writing duties, which was easy.

I kicked the avoidance bonanza off by reorganizing the house after the unpacking frenzy. I followed with a flurry of vacation prep. After ten days of travel around the beautiful Aegean Sea, I ventured home and drifted along in a pattern of laziness. Could be post-vacation blues combined with birthday blues and the major sugar crash of available Halloween candy. Everything came together in the perfect not-quite-a-storm situation. If it were still summer and I had a porch swing, it would be the southern breeze of laziness drifting through my life.

Please take my story of avoidance and slackerdom with a grain of whatever seasoning you like. I’m not committing myself to a promise of turning the grindstone forever and never doing this again. It will happen, and I will enjoy it just as much as I did this occurrence. Imagine no Black Friday deadline. No packing and unpacking. No commitments. Can you? I didn’t think it possible anymore, but there it was. I did do the laundry, clean the house, and wash the mud off the dogs. I didn’t skip those things, but I didn’t do anything outside of rest easy in my daily life and work diligently at my job. I didn’t do all of the activities I do when I don’t want to be bored, because boredom never made an appearance.

I still had insomnia, but I read a book instead of hammering out a set of bangles or designing a new scarf or repainting the doghouse. There were no accomplishments to count—no hard evidence of my lost hours of sleep. Some books moved out of the need to read stack, but it’s difficult to tell if I made a real dent since I only used it as an excuse to purchase more books. That’s an obsession for another day, and honestly, I don’t know when I’ll get to it.

Swimming in Mental Drama

Image ~ ~ Carie ~ 1 Comment
Orin Zebest-Rio Vista, CA
Orin Zebest-Rio Vista, CA

I try to do too much. It’s my normal. What am I to do if no deadline exists? Without the busy-ness, my brain takes a dive into the pool of depression. In reaction, I isolate myself—only drifting further into dangerous waters. So I am busy. On purpose.

At work, I am in the heart of holiday. We are building Black Friday, rebuilding Black Friday, getting Christmas underway, and preparing for the frenzy of New Year’s. At home, I am ready to move back. I face a flurry of walkthroughs, city approvals and financial data. With my current book, it’s time. I am pushing through revisions. I am fighting to get the pictures right on the page. I am carefully picking through word choice. Or I think I am.

I shut down this week. Tuesday night, toward the end of class, the instructor said something that struck me wrong. Somewhere in the dark crevices of my grey matter I lost it. This level of frustration is unlike me. I can file away any emotion for examination later, but this one. I dove head first into a mental tailspin, too stubborn and angry to pull myself out.

I have written before about revision. I told you to let go, and I meant it, but this one off-hand statement set off every alarm. I cannot clearly tell you why. My just-roll-with-it attitude stopped dead in its tracks and prepared for battle, but there was no one to fight. I had to seek help, and quick. Otherwise, my manuscript would end up in a heap of deletions—last man standing in the Alamo.

As humans (not as that ethereal thing known as a “creative”), we need help. We need outlets for all of the stuff running around in our heads. Other creatures do not sit around questioning themselves. They do not contemplate the pitch of their howls. We do.

So my advice this week is to not be afraid. There will be a moment of dark, but it’s not as bleak as you believe. Like my drive to be busy, help is everywhere. I met with an editor today. Their words settled me. They gave guidance. They offered light. That’s all I needed. I needed to stand face-to-face with the fear my writing is unworthy. I needed something to settle the beasts.

The Anti-Christmas

~ Carie ~ Leave a comment

I loathe christmas. Yes, with a lower-case “c.” In my eyes, there’s not a lot of Christ in it any more. Why? Let’s go back to the fact I work in advertising. We’re in full gear on holiday advertising. We’ve talked about it, run the estimates, negotiated the prices, ordered the product, worked on concepts and attended far too many meetings. By the time the Clydesdales make their appearance on TV (and, oh, how I love those beautiful horses), I will want to slap anyone who brings up Santa or shopping.

Don’t get me wrong. I take every chance I get to spend time with my family and friends. I just don’t enjoy the holiday. It is too commercialized. Look at it. People camp out for days in front of stores just to get a cheap television, cheap toy or cheap t-shirt. Is this really how we give thanks? Is this what we want to teach our children? I guess so. Our gods aren’t solely made of gold anymore. They’re made of plastic, glass, motherboards and flammable fabrics. That aside, wouldn’t you be better off spending all of that time with your friends, spouse or children?

Granted, my job is to make you want to do these things, but what happened to your brain? My own godchildren are too busy checking out the labels to understand the meaning of the gift. I give because I care about the person. And watch out, if I write you a letter (which I try my darndest to do amidst my tumultuous schedule), I am expressing a high level of admiration for our friendship. I’ve broken out the stationery and the fountain pens to express my thoughts. I have more love for the epistolary arts than I do for the holiday season.

This might be why I search for the right Christmas cards. I like to be inclusive of all of my family and friends. I like the cards which wish peace and joy for the season and the New Year ahead instead of focusing solely on Christmas or Santa. Don’t start with me about dropping “the reason for the season.” The reason is peace on earth and good will toward man. I wonder if we could all remember that every once in a while.